As it gets closer to August 25th my hopes for starting back to school this semester are dwindling. Even though I’m no longer on Cytoxan/chemotherapy, I still can’t seem to get my health back up to par for classes. I have no reason to go back to school if I don’t have the energy to make it through classes yet another semester. I’m not gonna lie, this is a blow to my self-worth. I know, I know, logically I have the same self-worth as before. But it just feels like one more thing that got stepped on by Lupus and I’ll just have to walk away and start new somewhere else. Currently I am maintaining my denial and am certain I will finish school… eventually. In the mean time I am still trying to hold on to the last wisps of the structure for my life I mistakenly thought would go as planned (way back Freshman year!), I have thought of a few things school-wise to turn my focus on.
I have a number of Incompletes that I need to finish for my major, bot to mention graduation. Instead of pushing myself, I will be focusing on two Incompletes for the entire semester. I don’t need to overload myself. On top of the Incompletes, I’ll be Petitioning the school to get my credits to Roll-over. The thing is… by the time I will be able to finish my degree, with the requirements for credits as well as the requirements for my health, I’ll have been “In school” for more than 10yrs!! Ouch! That was another blow to my esteem… it’s taking me more than ten years to get my Bachelor’s Degree:/ But I have certainly enjoyed the topics I’ve perused while attending classes on and off;) I certainly know what I want to do as a career, if I have the opportunity to work outside the home. With the way my Lupus is going, that isn’t looking to be likely! But I will always look for ways to try to get out there!