I wrote this in 2013:
What is there to hold on to when it feels like there is nothing left?
So often this is a question I come upon with the path I have to walk. What am I supposed to do when it feels like I’ve tried everything, the doctors are at a loss, and my life just keeps becoming less.
When I say less I’m referring to the idea of quality of life (QOL) for people with chronic conditions. We still can have an amazing QOL, but rarely does it match up in style when compared to a healthy QOL.
Part of Lupus is a mind game. The sicker I get the more grey my world gets. The more grey my world gets the more trouble my body has fighting off the Lupus and the sicker I get. It’s a cycle. So at which point can I or someone who cares reach through the grey and drag me out? At what point does the depression level affect the state of the Lupus flare, rather than just being a natural reaction to the state I’m living in at the time.
It’s remarkable how going through this disease really is a cycle. I ws saying so close to these exact words earlier to my BFG and the Singer. I don’t understand why healthy eople just don’t quite see it the same way. Let’s see if I can find better words as well as way to combat these feelings while sick and cycling in a post to come soon!!!
Finding ways to stay positive in a seemingly downward spiral that feels impossible to stop: 2016 Post to come!!