I Used To Think

I used to think I was amazing
I used to think I was so perfect
I used to think I could get wherever I dreamed of going
Then I thought I was nothing
I thought I was worthless
I thought I would never be amazing again
I thought I had lost the me that could get there
Now I know I can be something
Now I know I can grow to perfection
Now I know I want to be amazing
Now I’m not afraid of getting there
No matter what I used to think, now I know I will

Name Change Time, Mrs. R

Guess what I did today? Among the much needed cleaning and organizing and Thank You letters written today… I managed to get my new Social Security card and Drivers’ License!!! Officially legally MRS. R now! Legally recognized by Federal and State! WOOT!!

But I was pretty pissed that I can’t change my middle name to my maiden name as is traditional in my family still. My state doesn’t allow for middle name changes?! I’m like, right cause obviously I’m a mobster in hiding… sigh. I’m still going by my maiden name as my middle name though, thank you very much!

Homemade Wedding

My wedding ceremony took place in my neighborhood. When I say neighborhood, I don’t just mean my parent’s house. I mean the entire neighborhood! It was ACTUALLY the perfect day for it; The weather was amazing, the colors were amazing, It was ridiculously fun!

 

It was weird knowing my groom said he didn’t like anyone enough to want to invite them. I had to fight him to get him to have grooms men. He “didn’t like any of them as people” But I decided to see that as part of his depression talking and chose who I understand to be his friends. They at least believe he cares. So they care about him. They deserve to be there if not just for that reason, they care. Weird snags throughout the night before and day. All of them I can chock up to his strange mood fluctuations. But it was beautiful. If this is the extant of how he fluctuates, then I can do this forever:)

Rehearsal Dinner and Bachelor/ette Party

It was a little disconcerting to find out the week before the wedding that not a single person from my Fiancé’s family was interested in being at our Rehearsal Dinner. They all had things more important or interesting to do…!?! I was raised in a house where family is the most important thing. Granted we fully believe family isn’t limited to blood, but when you commit to being family there are certain things you don’t drop the ball on. Maybe I should see this as a sign that the family I’m joining doesn’t actually deserve that title. I’m starting to truly believe they don’t know how to be a family at all. No wonder they never seem to have been there for Fiancé in stories from his childhood. I thought it might have been how he angles the stories. But this is making me sad for the inlaws I always wanted and now will never have in these people. How do other people cope with having such shitty inlaws?

Sadly, his family not coming the night before also mean that his Best man won’t be here to throw him a Bachelor party. My siblings are throwing me a Bachelorette party. When I mentioned to them that his family wouldn’t be here decided to make it a co-ed Bachelor/ette party! Yay! My siblings are the epitome of family. They’re so marvelous:) My sister had great games planned and a pub crawl! My brother’s lady even made a chocolate penis cake!!!